33 Ways To Build Better Relationships
Associate and author of Independent Thinking on Restorative Practice, Mark Finnis, suggests 33 ways we can build better relationships to make everything better.
- Be who you needed when you were at school
- Connect before content
- Make regular deposits into the ‘social capital’ bank
- Small ripples create big waves — do the simple things well
- Don’t worry about doing things 100% better; rather, do 100 things 1% better
- Know your children well and allow them to know you well
- Don’t be afraid of the ‘L word’… Love. Spread it thick
- Some children come to school to learn, others to be loved
- Every child (and adult) needs a champion
- Engagement has three forms — physical, emotional and mental
- The language we use creates the reality we experience
- ‘Difficult child’ or ‘child with difficulties’? ‘Troubled family’ or a ‘family with troubles’?
- Get involved earlier in the life of the child, earlier in the life of the problem
- Separate the deed from the doer
- Healthy relationships are built on high challenge and high support
- Punishment creates resentment rather than reflection — separate the deed from the doer
- There are always three truths — my truth, your truth and the truth
- The best apology is changed behaviour
- The small stuff is the big stuff
- Create a sense of belonging
- Catch ’em getting it right more than you catch ’em getting it wrong
- Magnify strengths rather weaknesses and focus on gifts rather than deficits
- The language we use to describe an experience often becomes the experience
- Difficult conversations, do they have to be? Remember though, there is no easy way to poke people in the eye. However we do it, its going to sting a little
- Strike when the iron’s cold
- We learn to care by being cared for
- If you’re not modelling what you’re teaching, you’re teaching something different
- Listening is what you do to understand, not time spent simply waiting to reply
- Silence isn’t a gap in the conversation, it is part of the conversation
- Culture exists in every organisation, but is yours by design or by default?
- Everything looks better when you put it in a circle
- Smile at children, its good for you both
- There is always another way
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About the author
Mark Finnis
Mark is one of the UK's leading practitioners in restorative practice, helping schools and other related agencies and organisations embrace this powerful approach to their work. He is the author of Independent Thinking on Restorative Practice.